Habakkuk - Lament

Recently, I started listening to sermons from Cornerstone Church in Ames, Iowa just to switch it up a bit.  It's the church Brian attended while in college and also the one we attended together while engaged.  They just got through a 4-part series on Habakkuk.  Never read it before and can hardly pronounce it, but what a profound book!  The pastors said that Habakkuk goes through 4 stages and becomes a pattern for how us Christians can walk through hard times:

-Lament (a passionate expression of grief or sorrow) - Honest questions to God
-Repent - Reflect on the sins inside
-Remember - Look back on God's faithfulness to steady us
-Rejoice - Resolve in faith to rejoice no matter the circumstances

What struck me the most is not the typical "If you a Christian and have Jesus, then you should rejoice." But rather what he calls the "Habakkuk Paradox" which is essentially saying it's okay (and even healthy) to face your reality and realized what is truly happening.  It's okay to question and express to God your feelings - whether it's mourning, grief, sadness, etc.  But also acknowledging that on the other side of the hardship, never to lose the Hope that we have in Christ!  Often times, I feel this pull/struggle within myself to not lament and feel whatever it is I'm feeling and to just simply jump to Joy.  Because that's what a mature Christian would do.  They would just possessed this supernatural Joy and be able to display it at all times.  To me, I can't do that realistically and be genuine at the same time.  

I definitely went through this the first month with this whole COVID-19 thing and in some ways, I felt guilty prior.  So many emotions and feeling of hopelessness.  I did NOT have that unshakable joy.  My circumstances were bleak and I felt bleak.  Of course, I want to feel that joy and have that joy, but it wasn't coming to me.  But fast forward two months, I feel stronger and I'm so glad I allowed myself to mourn and grieve through all those sudden and unexpected changes.  My thoughts now aren't perfect by any means, but I do feel God's constant reminder of Hebrews 12:2 "fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."  To not look horizontally but vertically.  And that is where my Hope and Joy comes from.