This Too Shall Pass

February has not been kind to us as we struggled on into March.  Gavin got on antibiotic for 10 days and was doing much better.  But then the med ran out and within a few days he was back to being miserable again.  Constant runny nose, coughing and screaming in the middle of the night.  I took him into the ped this morning only to find out that now he has double ear infections.  So he'll be on another type of antibiotic for 10 more days.  I feel so awful because seriously nothing bring him comfort.  He won't cuddle or rock.  He wants to be held, but as soon as I pick him up, he'll fight me like crazy to get out of my arms.  So I put him down and then he cries and wants up.  Such a helpless feeling.  We're all tired, discouraged and just trying to stay afloat.  On top of that, I'm pretty sure the lack of sleep is making me do stupid things...like forgetting to screw the lid on tight on Gavin's bottle and have milk spilled EVERYWHERE.  And today, I ended up slicing my finger while trying slice the bagel for Ethan.  Really?!

Anyway last week, Brian's sister sent me a perfect devotion by James McDonald titled "God Knows" and I just cried while reading it.  In the midst of all this, I've become so tunnel visioned that I wasn't sure if He's even there.  Job put it perfect here how I have been feeling:

"Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I do not perceive him; on the left hand when he is working, I do not behold him; he turns to the right hand, but I do not see him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. My foot has held fast to his steps; I have kept his way and have not turned aside.^" Job 23:8-11

But then He spoke to me personally saying, "God sees you on the road you are walking today" and that "God is near to you when your heart is broken and saves you when your spirit is crushed" (Psalm 34:18).  I SO needed to hear that from Him in a big way!!!  So with that we shall continued on and will hopefully see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.